So, this was supposed to be an “Of The Decade” post, but the final list ended up being only stuff from 2009. So, ya. Deal with it.
THESE are the moments in music where all that you could do after seeing is sit there, jaw hitting the floor, and utter the mother of all naughtyness – OH MAH GAWD WHAT THE FUCK!? I’ll warn you, there’s scary shit ahead.
NUMBER 5:
Marilyn Manson has T3H SWINE FLU OH NOES… wait…
It's called "shock-rock" for a reason, guys... jeez.
No he doesn’t. That, my friends, is what we call a “publicity stunt”! When I first heard that Manson had the airborne bacon virus, I ’bout crapped myself! The father of shock rock could die OMGWTF!? Well, even if he did have t3h swine, he probably wouldn’t have died, but still, OMFG. And then he comes out sayin’, “lol pwnt”. Dick. He’s still awesome.
NUMBER 4:
This picture:
You ready for the really scary part? After seeing this, I went to Google and typed in “The Jonas Brothers are”, and that’s what actually came up, in the same order. SERIOUSLY!? JONAS BROTHERS < BEATLES – NO QUESTIONS ASKED. THERE ARE NO LULZ TO BE HAD WITH THIS BLASPHEMY! Go search Google right now, if it’s not the top suggestion, it’ll be one of them.
NUMBER 3:
Imma let you finish!
I don't even watch True Blood, but Twilight sucks.
Kanye West is a dick, we’ve always known that – and he sucks at “music”. But his epic interruption of Taylor Swift at the VMA’s was just legendary not only for it’s doucheyness, but also for the great meme that it spawned! I don’t like Taylor Swift, Beyonce, or Kanye, but, my god, that was just DOUCHEY.
NUMBER 2:
“The Rev.” dies
This makes three times now that I’ve mentioned his death on this blog, but… it’s just so damned tragic. When I woke up at 2 in the morning the night he passed, only to discover this, I cried. No joke. My jaw still hasn’t relocated from that drop, and I don’t think it will for a long time. The Rev. was one of the greatest drummers ever to live, and his loss is truly a tragic one. R.I.P.
NUMBER 1:
Michael Jackson’s Death
The King of Pop – dead. Who would’ve guessed? It came out of nowhere – just like The Rev’s. Rushed to the hospital, and then pronounced dead on an otherwise insignificant day. Michael Jackson’s death touched the world in a way that not even The Rev’s passing did. We lost a true icon on that day, and one of humanity’s few visionaries remaining. And, to all of you mocking him, or saying that the little boys are safe now, all I have to say is this: Go fuck yourselves.
For the record: I’m not trying to make it seem like the Rev’s death wasn’t a big deal, it was a ridiculously frikin’ huge deal.
Well… uh… that’s it. NEXT COUNTDOWN: I dunno yet. We’ll figure that out.
We all know the importance of the drummer in a band. Without them, any band would probably fail at keeping together. They add another layer to the music that, in a lot of cases, can make you go “Wow!”. These drummers are the ones who have shown the most skill, the most creativity, and the most awesome.
NUMBER 5:
Bränn Dailor of MASTODON
Scoring points for writing a bad ass song, Dailor probably beats out all of these guys in terms of singing and drumming at the same time. He’s the king of rolls, and has one of the awesomest looking sets in metal. Polka-dots, bitches.
NUMBER 4:
Mike Wengren of DISTURBED
Being in one of the greatest bands ever automatically scores you some cool points in my book, but Mike gets this spot for mainly one reason. The opening to Down With The Sickness. Everyone knows it! Its such a simple beat, but yet its such an iconic one in metal culture, that it can be recognized by a pack of metal heads who don’t even care about Disturbed. He’s a kick-ass drummer outside of that intro, though, don’t worry.
NUMBER 3:
Zbigniew Robert “Inferno” Promiński of BEHEMOTH
While he may not be the best looking in this countdown, he’s certainly one of the most talented. Bonus points for having some the craziest legs out there. Seriously. Just go listen to any Behemoth song, he keeps the double-bass going for the whole song almost every time. Inferno practically wrote the book on hitting a snare drum really fast… with one hand.
NUMBER 2:
Joey Jordison of SLIPKNOT
Now, many would sit there and think, Joey isn’t number one!? Well, no, he isn’t. A lot of Joey’s recognition comes from the crazy shit his drum kit does on stage. Turning upside down, exposing a pentagram light underneath it, and he does all that while playing a solo? Yea, that’s neat. But when it comes to sheer talent, one beats out even this heavy-metal legend. That’s not to say that he’s bad though, he wouldn’t be here without the awesome amounts of talent.
NUMBER 1:
Jimmy “The Rev.” Sullivan of AVENGED SEVENFOLD
Yea, you knew it was coming. I spent all of yesterday sobbing my heart out on Twitter, listening to A7X, and mourning the loss of this great drummer. It was hard to guess that he wouldn’t top my list. But! He isn’t there just because of his tragic death two nights ago, he would have been in this spot anyways. The Rev added a whole ‘nother element to A7X’s music, and made himself into more than just the drummer. Back in the band’s more metalcore-ish days, he played like a true metal drummer, roaring bass, pounding snares, and everything else, but then with that transition to hard-rock with the release of their self-titled album in ’07? He really showed his stuff. Taking away from the clichés of the genre, and really showing his creativity and skill. It’s safe to say that, even if Avenged does find another drummer, they could only hope of matching the talent, personality, and creativity that was Jimmy “The Rev.” Sullivan. May he rest in peace.
Of course, as I write Jimmy’s piece, Warmness Of The Soul by A7X comes on… (Look it up. Sad song)
Alright, I’ll try to stop crying for five seconds! Next countdown: The Biggest OMGWTF Moments in Music of the 2000s!
I feel like I need to say something… I woke up this morning at 2 A.M. to find that a friend of mine had joined the group “RIP Jimmy Sullivan ‘The Rev’” on Facebook. The Rev is the drummer for metalcore/hard rock band Avenged Sevenfold, who’s last album brought them into the mainstream. He was often regarded as one of the greatest drummers in metal, or in history. Personally? He’s my #1 drummer. I’ve always loved his style, and his ability to support the band in ways that make him more than just background noise that keeps the beat.
When I first saw the phrase “RIP Jimmy Sullivan”, I thought this would be a joke, or a publicity stunt. After some investigation on Twitter and the news lines… I found that I was very, very wrong. Jimmy Sullivan of Avenged Sevenfold was indeed found dead in his home late at night on December 28th, 2009. The cause of death is as-of-yet unknown, but he had a history of drug usage.
The band released the following statement on their website: “It is with great sadness and heavy hearts that we tell you of the passing of Jimmy “The Rev” Sullivan. Jimmy was not only one of the world’s best drummers, but more importantly he was our best friend and brother. Our thoughts and prayers go out to Jimmy’s family and we hope that you will respect their privacy during this difficult time. Jimmy you are forever in our hearts. We love you.”
R.I.P. Jimmy Owen Sullivan – 1981 – 2009 – “Such a surreal place to be, so how did this come to be? Arrived too early.”
Okay, fuck the BLITEOTW posts. Those were getting boring. Let’s just say that me and my entire family got consumed by zombies. Whatev’.
ANYWAY! With the end of the decade (What the hell do we call this decade, anyway? The ‘oties’?) upon us, it is time to name the greatest music to come out of it. This will – hopefully – be the first of many posts in which I name the greatest of something from the 2000s. For this post, we’re going to start off simple; The greatest metal albums of 2010… and honorable mentions. These choices weren’t easy ones, that’s for sure, but these albums truly are epic, and show us just what the artist who produced it is made of. Even those that scored low on the list still come with my absolute highest recommendation.
And finally, there’s one rule: Only one album per artist.
NUMBER 10:
Nightwish – Wishmaster – 2001
Wishmaster is the third outing from symphonic metal band Nightwish, who is one of the most popular groups of the genre. Wishmaster demonstrates everything that makes Nightwish, Nightwish, and then improves on their formula even more. The symphony in the background, the mind-blowing vocals from Tarja, and the now-classic song The Kinslayer makes Wishmaster a god’s work.
NUMBER 9:
Arch Enemy – Rise Of The Tyrant – 2007
Arch Enemy is one of the most powerful bands in the Melodic Death Metal sub-genre, and Rise Of The Tyrant shows this better than no other. The band’s bizarre vocals – which are only bizarre because their lead is female – and insane guitar playing and at their peak in Tyrant, and it all just sounds great.
NUMBER 8:
Lordi – The Arockalypse – 2006
I can tell you’re laughing in your seat. But I’m dead serious. While many criticize Lordi for being the single cheesiest band in history, I love them. There’s nothing better than a good round of Lordi to get your spirits up and make you feel good about life! Why? Because it’s the FREAKIN’ AROCKALYPSE. Lordi is one of those bands that is only good if you don’t take them seriously, and if you don’t take The Arockalypse seriously, it really is a great album.
NUMBER 7:
Moonspell – Night Eternal – 2008
Moonspell is a band that I don’t recall ever mentioning until now, and for that I apologize. Why? ‘Cause they’re one of the freakin’ greatest metal bands ever, and Night Eternal proves that. Roaring vocals, more guitar solos than ever before, and some crazy female vocals make for the awesomest thing out of 2008… well, almost the awesomest thing from ’08.
NUMBER 6:
Five Finger Death Punch – War Is The Answer – 2009
Five Finger Death Punch is one of metal’s lesser known groups, and that needs to change. They’re a sound that rivals even that of current super-powers like SlipKnot and Metallica. War Is The Answer is the recently released second album from Five Finger, and… I’m running out of things to say about how awesome these albums are. Just, take my word for it. It’s badass.
NUMBER 5:
Disturbed – Ten Thousand Fists – 2005
I’m sure you’ve heard of Disturbed before. They’re one of the most popular artists in the metal genre, and they deserve that attention. Ten Thousand Fists has everything that makes Disturbed great; beautiful singing, entrancing guitars, and pounding drums… and… God I’m running out of shit to say.
NUMBER 4:
Cradle of Filth – Midian – 2000
Being the oldest album on this list, it’s easy to say that Midian has aged well. This album showed just what Cradle of Filth has to offer, and it set them up to become the metal gods that they are now.
NUMBER 3:
SlipKnot – All Hope Is Gone – 2008
SlipKnot is quite simply the biggest super power in metal culture. They’ve been around for a solid decade now, and they show no sign of stopping. All Hope Is Gone is the roaring, screeching, tearing, mind-blowingly awesome masterpiece from the ‘Knot. In my opinion, it easily beating out Vol. 3: The Subliminal Verses, which many fans consider their best.
NUMBER 2
Dope – Life – 2001
Dope is the band that first got me into metal, and Life is the first album I heard from this industrial/speed metal quartet. Its still one of my favorites. No Regrets – the group’s ’09 release – is a strong contender for this spot, but it doesn’t quite beat on the classic that is Life.
Finally…
NUMBER 1:
Mastodon – Crack The Skye – 2009
You probably saw this coming if you’ve been following this blog for awhile. Crack The Skye is not only the best album of 2009, but it’s quite simply the greatest album (Not just metal) of this decade. Every single second of it is a great one, with its trippy sounds, progressive style, and creative story that, while it makes no sense, is still great. If you haven’t heard Crack The Skye yet, you need to go do that right now. Seriously. Go. Shoo. Have you listened to it yet? Then what the hell are you waiting for!? Do it! DO IT NAAOOOUUGGHHH!
HONORABLE MENTIONS
These albums were great, but not quite great enough to make the final cut. Take note that these all still come with my highest recommendation.
Lamb of God – Wrath – 2009
Lamb of God may be one of the biggest names in metal, and even though Wrath was their most impressive album, it still doesn’t beat out the beauty of the others on this list. It fell short on the fact that the songs sound very, very similar after awhile and get boring. Wrath loses its steam after awhile. But its still great.
Bullet For My Valentine – Scream Aim Fire – 2008
Scream Aim Fire was definitely an improvement over Bullet‘s previous, mediocre album, The Poison, but it suffered from the same issues that Wrath had. It just got old.
Albums that broke the only rule:
These albums are great, but one album from the same artist beat it. Plain and simple.
Mastodon – Blood Mountain – 2006
Nightwish – Once – 2004
SlipKnot – Vol. 3 (The Subliminal Verses) – 2004
Five Finger Death Punch – The Way Of The Fist – 2007
Well, that’s it, kids! I’m haven’t quite decided what the next countdown in this series will be, but it’ll be here eventually. Really.
Hope you all didn’t think I was dead. I was damn close to it, though. Bastards broke through the windows, flooded the house beneath us. We had to run around the horde – via jumping out the windows over them – before they crawled on top of each other until they piled over the wall that was once our stairs. We’re left without weapons, and minor amounts of food. Our goal now? Rickenbacker Base. A military base located north from here, we heard from another survivor that the Air Force and the National Guard are performing a joint-operation there to provide refuge for survivors and evacuation services. The survivor who told us said he was going back for his family… but our entire town has been overrun, we were lucky to get out alive. He’s probably dead by now.
We’re just going to hope that Rickenbacker is alive and well and there are few ghouls between here and there.
It’s amazing how quickly these monsters spread in a day. The moment I heard a gunshot, the house was boarded up, the bathtub was filled with water (Trust me, it’ll go out eventually), and our staircase is now in ruins. We’re holed up on the second floor, with anything we could consider a weapon being held tightly like a lover. One broke into the first floor, and was hindered by the severe blockage that was the giant wall where our staircase once was. We didn’t know what to do about the living corpse, as we have no projectile weapons, and we didn’t want to waste any melee weapons. Its still clawing at the wall, the incessant moan is getting to my head. I’m about to just jump down there and beat the bastard to a pulp, but that would probably end in my death.
I’m not sure how the rest of the neighborhood is holding up, I’ve seen other monsters prowling the town. Haven’t recognized any of them, thank God. I think I really would go crazy if I saw my neighbor eating someone.
I just heard a car crash. Someone narrowly missed hitting one of them, thinking it was a human, probably. The poor soul. He’s getting out of the car, trying to… oh, the idiot. He’s trying to communicate with the zombie, what a futile effort. Oh shit, the guy has a gun. He’s shooting at the zombie, but not the head. I’m not sure if its fear or bad aim that’s keeping him from putting the demon down, but its still charging. It just grabbed him. Yup, he’s dead. Ouch. Hope he didn’t need that neck.
Anyway… we’re trying to keep ourselves sane, and its a miracle that the power is still on. The T.V. has remained off, though, as we don’t want the sound to attract a horde of the bastards. I can only hope that rescue arrives soon… all of the major news sites say that evacuation teams (National Guard) are being dispatched all over the state, and the country has officially been declared in a state of emergency. When it does, we just have to try to fight our way out to the evacuation centers, or just pray that they set up shop close to us.
One of the first floor windows just crashed open. I’ll hope its human.
There was a story on the news today. Someone had been murdered. They were bitten at the neck and taken to Mount Carmel East Hospital in Columbus where they died of unknown causes. They say its a cult killing, but what cult? And why? It made no sense. I’ve been monitoring the news lines all day. Nothing else on the story. A press blackout just doesn’t happen in this country. Something strange is going on.
I just got a call from a friend of mine, Ty. He said that there was another news story, more killings. In the hospital. Five. The victims appeared to have been murdered by cannibals. Their limbs were chewed off, if not totally gone.
Bite marks, sudden deaths, in-hospital cannibals… this can only mean one thing…
Zombies.
I’ve read about this, studied their mannerisms, and how to spot an incoming infestation. But, seriously? Who would have guessed that Zombies would actually become a threat some day? I don’t know what to make of this, my survival guide states that these kind of infestations spread quickly, especially with humanity’s lack of knowledge about the Solanum Virus. Enforcement will be minor. They’ll be here soon… so very soon.
I must prepare.
This blog – although its music-themed – will be used as a journal for all to see through the coming infestation. If I don’t make it out of this, spread my story, and warn the world what is coming.
Remember, folks, this is a “Blog Like Its The End Of The World” post – NONE OF THIS IS REAL SERIOUSLY I’M TALKING ABOUT ZOMBIES. I understand that this is not music related in any way, but, hey, I thought it would be fun!
Violetta is a band that I have spoken very highly of in the past. My review of their EP, Are We There Yet? explains why this group of rockers is one that should not be ignored. But, the one thing that continues to amaze me even further about Violetta than the brilliance of their EP, is their live performances. It seems that with every internationally-known band I listen to, their live performances are sub-par to what you hear on albums. This is understandable, of course, as there’s no studio-tech making them sound like gods. Still, some quality is expected. Violetta delivers that quality, without question.
I think tonight, at the Newport Music Hall in Columbus, Violetta truly showed just what they were made of. More so than they did at the other three performances I’ve seen from them. Everything that makes them great, whether it be Brooke’s awe inspiring voice that Haley Williams of Paramore could only dream of having, Austin’s ripping solos, or… well, everything else about them. All of these things were present at this concert, and it showed in both the band themselves and the audience. I saw four bands during my time there, and out of those four, Violetta was the only one that really got the crowd into the show. Some would say that part of that came from the fact that they played three different covers throughout the concert, but still, it worked. I’m not sure I’ve ever heard of a better cover of Journey’s Don’t Stop Believin’, and there’s an awful lot of those. Sure, the lead of This Is My Suitcase jumped into the audience on more than one occasion, but not even that got them the same amount of attention that Violetta did. That’s not to say the performance from This Is My Suitcase was bad, though.
I’m honestly not sure what more there is to say about this concert, other than that it was absolutely incredible, and I wish that you all could have seen it. Put your V’s up, bizznitches.
If you still haven’t heard Violetta, you should do that right now. RIGHT NOW. Have you done it yet? No? Well GO DO IT! Here’s a link: www.myspace.com/violettarocks
Woah. It’s almost the end of 2009. Whoopee. Three more years till apocalypse, according to the crazy people. But! What has this year brought us? A bunch of awesome music, that’s what! And what do we do with good music? We give it awards. Sorry, but I doubt Kanye West will interrupt someone accepting an award here.
So, here you have it, the first annual “FML” (Fuck My Life) Awards! Now, this will most likely end up being the longest post yet, with many categories that I’m coming up with as I write this! (What, you thought I put THOUGHT into these posts!?)
The music video accompanying this Behemoth single makes about as much as sense as Benjamin Franklin playing tether ball with Van Helsing, but you cannot ignore the fact that this is an amazing video. Beautiful direction, creepy atmosphere, and a heavy controversy over its following of the YouTube T.o.S!? Sounds like a recipe for awesome to me.
Album art is an odd thing, and I’ve explained it before, so go find that post to hear my rantings.
The nominees are:
Mastodon – Crack The Skye
Breaking Benjamin – Dear Agony
Arch Enemy – The Root Of All Evil
… and the FML goes to…
The Root Of All Evil!:
Tell me what's going on here, and I'll give you $5. Not really.
I’m not sure if even Arch Enemy themselves could explain what the crap is going on here. A human skull with some form of disc-thingy going through it. Yea, good luck explaining that one. I’ll admit, Crack The Skye was tempting, and it almost took it. But goddamn, this thing just… wow…
CATEGORY THREE: Band that no one has ever heard of, but everyone NEEDS to hear about.
This is the category no one wants to be in. These are the most underrated bands from this year, and they’re ones that all come with my highest recommendation, even if they didn’t take the top.
The nominees are:
Cage The Elephant
Alestorm
Epica
… and the FML goes to…
Cage The Elephant!:
"Snap out of it, dude."
While they certainly wont win the award for best looking band this year, Cage The Elephant is a rock/hip-hop group who recently emerged into the not-quite-spot-but-slightly-dimmer light after their single “Ain’t No Rest For The Wicked” appeared as the main theme for the video game Borderlands (Which you should play). After listening to their album straight through, I discovered that they really are a very impressive group who should not be overlooked.
When one thinks of metal, they often think of roaring and screaming into a microphone. Whoever ‘they’ are, they think correctly. Most metal nowadays is populated by screaming, and these people scream the best.
The nominees are:
Nathan Explosion (Brendon Small) of Dethklok
Randy Blythe of Lamb of God
Nergal of Behemoth
… and the FML goes to…
Nergal!:
He's such a happy fellow.
This one was not an easy choice at all. Nathan’s crazy-ass screams that put the fictional version of Dethklok in the position of 7th largest Economy in the world are damned impressive, even if they are a parody band. But Nergal? He just rocks. Never before have I heard such power in one’s roar, and his voice makes Behemoth a heavy-metal band, not just a metal band.
Yea, death roars are great, but every once in a while, you want a voice you can actually understand. These are the best of these voices.
The nominees are:
Adam Young of Owl City
Hayley Williams of Paramore
Jacoby Shaddix of Papa Roach
Adam Lambert
Matthew Bellamy of Muse
… and the FML goes to…
Adam Lambert!: (Yes.)
He's hot, and you know it.
Yea, the pop-artist got it. But he (As well as the other Adam on this list) is one of the few genuine pop artists out there. His voice is pure, and isn’t fucked with at all by auto-tuning. His songs are fun and peppy, and really get stuck in your head easily. But what really makes his music is that amazing voice. Know it, love it.
Category Six: Music to make your parents leave the room.
Come on, we’re all teenage rebels here! Every now and then, we just want our parents to GTFO. This is the music that you need to make it happen.
The nominees are:
Cradle of Filth
Dethklok
Behemoth
Marilyn Manson
… and the FML goes to…
Cradle of Filth!:
Hey, at least I didn't post the "Jesus is a c*nt" t-shirt design.
One would this that this is a category that Marilyn Manson would win without question. Well, no, Cradle of Filth won it. Why? Go listen to Cthulu Dawn, and when Dani says something about a seismic breach, the word ‘breach’ sounds like he threw up while saying it. That made my mom tell me to put on headphones on more than one occasion.
While there were many, many good things this year, there were also a lot of bad things. These are the absolute worst albums to show their faces this year.
The nominees are:
brokeNCYDE – I’m Not A Fan, But The Kids Like It!
Paramore – Brand New Eyes
… and the FML goes to…
brokeNCYDE!:
They just look like a pile of FAIL, don't they?
brokeNCYDE is one of the worst musical acts of the decade. I’m not sure how much crack they were smoking when they came up with the idea of a screamo-crunk band, but they did. And it’s awful. Lame songs that all relate back to fucking some chick at a bar, ear-piercing screams, and boring synths just make for something truly atrocious.
Now, I’d like to say something about Brand New Eyes. It wasn’t awful, by any stretch, but it was just… boring. Very boring. Also, it sounded exactly like Riot!, and that disappointed me more than anything. Riot! showed that the group has great talent, but they wasted it by just copying their own work in Brand New Eyes.
This is not an easy category to choose for. All of these albums, and there’s a lot of them, showed what the group in question was truly made of. They’re powerful on all scales, and could easily rank as classic. Even though they wont. These are the best of the best, and lemme tell ya, this was not an easy decision to make.
The nominees are:
Five Finger Death Punch – War Is The Answer
Marilyn Manson – The High End Of Low
Mastodon – Crack The Skye
Dope – No Regrets
Behemoth – Evangelion
Epica – Design Your Universe
Owl City – Ocean Eyes
Green Day – 21st Century Breakdown
Adam Lambert – For Your Entertainment
Lamb of God – Wrath
Cage The Elephant – Self-titled
The winner of the FML album of the year, is…
Mastodon!:
Explain this one, and you really WILL get $5.
When No Regrets came out, I knew it would be my album of the year. But then a friend of mine introduced me to Mastodon, and I was blown away. Every moment of this album, every riff, every lyric, every snare- drum-tap, was one to remember. Crack The Skye is what could only be described as a musical masterpiece, and it will propel Mastodon way beyond anything they could have imagined with their previous three albums. If you haven’t heard Crack The Skye yet, you need to do that right now. Right. Fucking. NOW. I assure you; there isn’t a better metal album out there from this year.
… and that concludes it! WHOO! That took forever to write. I hope you agree with my choices, and don’t whine if you didn’t! There’ll be another next year – assuming I’m still here!
