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We’ll Carry On

October 21, 2009 1 comment

Back when I first started this blog about two months ago, I talked about My Chemical Romance, and how they’re the music that makes me feel better about life, with their motivational lyrics and up-beat guitar riffs.

Well, a little under a month before that post – or this blog – existed, my grandmother went to the hospital due to some major issues with her bowel system. The endeavour ended in her colon being removed, and she was in the hospital, followed by a rehabilitation facility, for about two weeks after.

Begin downward spiral.

After her leave, she only got worse, she was malnourished, and complained of an awful taste in her mouth, and lack of appetite. It wasn’t long before she was back in the hospital from a lowering blood pressure. Doctors soon figured out that it was something with her inhaler, the fact that she was on oxygen, and a couple of other factors, that were bringing that bad taste and lack of appetite. Another week in the hospital, and back to that rehab center, and she’s home again. Does better at home this time.

She goes again. Vomiting, this time, had a major blockage in her digestive system. Had more surgery, and just like the colon removal, came out like a “rockstar”, as her surgeon, Dr. Slam (Greatest. Name. EVER.) called her.

Funny thing, rockstars. They come in all different shapes and sizes – trust me, just look at MySpace. No one would ever expect a rockstar to be an eighty-one year old grandmother in the hospital. But you see a lot of rockers going out in the same way; Drugs, violence, self-destruction. Kurt Cobain shot himself, Jimi Hendrix finally lost after years and years of drug abuse, Elvis was the same. But, my grandmother wasn’t a Jimi Hendrix or a Kurt Cobain. She was a George Harrison. As I’m sure you know; George passed away quietly after a long battle with lung cancer in 2001.

If I haven’t made it clear to you already; On October 17th, 2009, 8:20 P.M., my grandmother passed away quietly in a hospital room, with my father, my uncle, and my grandfather at her side the entire time. Her family meant the entire world to her, and she was with them to the end. Quite literally.

October 17th, 2009, 8:20 P.M., I was putting my uniform on in the High School band room. It was the Golden Sound Showcase, the Ohio Musical Education Association competition that we hold each year. I had spent the last few hours getting the field ready for the twelve bands that would attend, and I was about ready to take to that field myself. Little did I know that my grandmother had just passed away in Mount Carmel East Hospital just a moment ago.

When I finally received word of her death, my world fell away, all of that happiness, all of that pride, all of that everything I had receieved from the day just disappeared. I cried. I had never cried harder.

After a bit of time to gather myself together, my mother’s parents left, and I soon went to sleep, wanting this day to end.

3:15 A.M., October 18th, 2009. I woke up. Couldn’t sleep. Too many thoughts were racing through my head. I went over to the desktop, and shifted through my library. One song popped out to me; Welcome To The Black Parade, by MCR. If you don’t know the song, you should go hunt it down on YouTube or Yahoo! Music. I quietly sang the lyrics, thinking about my grandmother the whole time, and I cried again. When that epic bridge came on, with all of the sayings of self-pride and what-not, I couldn’t even sing anymore. All I could do was cry. But, you know what? I felt better. I felt like she was closer to me now, even if I don’t believe in the afterlife. I still felt like she was watching me.

Her life will be honored today with a visitation, and it will be the last time I see her. But, you know what? I’m not scared to see her. I want to be there for my father, and for my grandfather, and for her.

Doris Hellstrom; May 28th, 1928 – October 17th, 2009. A true rockstar. Rest in peace, Grandma, I’ll never stop missing you.

“We’ll carry on, we’ll carry on. And though you’re dead and gone, believe me, your memory will carry on.”

I Hate My Life And This Music Makes It Better

August 11, 2009 Leave a comment

Well, as the title of the blog suggests; I listen to a lot of depressing music. Is that a good thing? Sometimes. I enjoy it, even if it does put me in a cruddy mood from time to time. But, one can only have so much depressing music, and it has to be balanced out if you don’t want to go off and kill yourself because Evanescence told you to. While it may seem like almost all music these days talks about some kind of depressing occurrence like a breakup, or maybe you were simple called a “fag” at school. Well, believe it or not, in that never ending sea of depressing music, there is some happiness out there.

For myself, that happiness is in My Chemical Romance. While a lot of people are under the misconception that MCR is an “emo” band that promotes self-harm and suicide in their lyrics, it’s actually quite the opposite. Not only does the band often say that they want to “save kids lives”, their lyrics are very peppy and encouraging. With lyrics like “Singin’ songs that make you slit your wrists/It isn’t that much fun,” or “I am not afraid to keep on living/I am not afraid to walk this world alone,” or of course, the ever amazing bridge of their single Welcome To The Black Parade:

“Do or die! You’ll never make me! Because the world will never take my heart! Though you try, you’ll never break me! We want it all, we wanna play this part. I wont explain, or say I’m sorry! I’m unashamed! I’m gonna show my scar! Give a cheer, for all the broken! Listen here! Because it’s who we are! Just a man, I’m not a hero, just a boy, who wanna sing his song! Just a man, I’m not a hero! I. Don’t. Care! We’ll carry on!” (Totally wrote that entirely from memory. Hellz yea)

Lyrics like that from MCR, and a plethora of others, always manage to make me feel better whenever I’m feeling like shit. Seriously, ignore anything you hear about them being an emo suicide cult, because that’s all bullshit. I find it ironic that they’re often known as the opposite of what they really are, but it’s the sad truth.

Unfortunately, there are MCR fans that mistake their lyrics for ones that promote self-harm. In 2008, a young british girl, Hannah Bond, hung herself. She had apparently been slitting her wrists for some time prior to her suicide, and had developed quite the obsession with My Chemical Romance. A tragic incident, really. But, the Daily Mail, a british tabloid, accused MCR of being a “suicide-cult”, and that “The Black Parade” is a place where Emos believe they would go when they die.

lolwut

I didn’t think it was possible to suck that much at reporting, and actually have a reporting job.

Seriously, though, don’t listen to any of that bull. MCR really is a band that want’s to save your life. If you’re ever feeling like crap, for whatever reason, don’t hesitate to find some My Chemical Romance to brighten your day.

Suggested songs from My Chemical Romance to make your life better (But the others are all good, too):
  • The End./Dead!
  • Welcome To The Black Parade
  • Famous Last Words
  • The Sharpest Lives
  • Give ‘Em Hell, Kid
  • Cemetery Drive
  • Im Not Okay (I Promise)
  • Teenagers
  • House Of Wolves
Enjoy your life! Suicide is cowardly and selfish! … and cutting yourself is just dumb.